I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
