yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
