Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
