Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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