You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's never too late to be topless.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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