I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
