; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
