remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
