It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
