I'm going to jail i love you
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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