Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
