Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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