She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
