I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
