The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
