my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
