she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
