Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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