I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
