so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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