I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
