yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
