He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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