I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
