stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
