Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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