Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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