It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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