sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
