Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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