Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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