it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
