Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
