The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
