If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My ass is underappreciated
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
