I think I won the penis lottery.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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