so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
