Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
