I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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