I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
