How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
