Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
