I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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