i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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