I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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