are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
