Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
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Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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