ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
