Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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