Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
