Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
