Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
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What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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