i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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