mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
