He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
