have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I wear drunk well.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
