Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
