Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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