Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
