Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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