it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
