I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
