the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
