there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
