whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
