3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
