why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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