i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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