I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
