And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
