Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
