Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just found puke in my bra..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
