i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
