it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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