I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You've changed since you got that strap on
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
