She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
