Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
